By Gina Mazza
“You can spoil them with treats then send them home.”
“It’s all of the fun with none of the responsibility.”
“It’s nature’s compensation for the teen years.”
These are variations on the answers I expected to hear in the spring of 2022 when I asked some friends in the 412 to share what makes being a grandparent so special. Eagerly awaiting the birth of my first grandchild in early summer, I had begun to ponder, sincerely and curiously, what could possibly top the preciousness of having my own children and watching them grow into kind, loving, accomplished adults.
The responses I got were actually far more profound than I had anticipated, which only elevated my excitement for the blessed event.
“A grandchild is the most amazing gift that your child gives you,” shares Nancy Kelmeckis of Freedom, Beaver County, grandmother of two. “While you may never have thought that your heart could open more than it did when your children were born, it does—almost twice as much the first time you hold that newly born baby.”
As the grandchild grows, that bond only deepens, Nancy went on to explain. “Parents love their children unconditionally, but they will not always ‘like” their child because this is the natural case in raising kids. But those kids know that in grandma’s arms, they will always find comfort and a heart that only sees them for their best, with no strings attached. They will continue to seek that out as they grow older.”
Not having the responsibility of being the disciplinarian was a central theme in my friends’ comments. “I can honestly say that the joy and love is different than having your own children, perhaps because there isn’t the same responsibility,” confirms Lisa Story of Moon Township, grandmother of eight. “With my grandchildren, time seems to stand still when I’m with them. I can just slow down, hold their hands, pick flowers, read books and spoil them with love.”
As for the “sending them home” comment that I thought I’d hear, Debra Holz of Monroeville, grandmother of four, says “I don’t get grandparents who say that or who have the attitude that ‘I raised my children and I’m not going to raise my children’s children.’ I feel privileged to have been a part of my grandkids’ lives these past 15 years, and all that matters is the simplicity of loving these children. Deep in my heart, even the sensation I have right now talking to you about this, it’s unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. It’s nothing but joy.”
Free of the worries and stress that come with raising and financially supporting a family, Debra and others cite that this next phase of life brings with it a different perspective. “When I was a father, I had a lot of life responsibilities, like spouse, jobs, and running a business,” recalls Freddie Cecchini, who splits his time between Pittsburgh and Phoenix, Arizona, where his two grandsons live. “Even though I was there every day with my son while he was growing up, I am able to devote more quality time now with my grandkids. At this stage, you can teach them about life because you have that experience. I feel a strong desire to pass on the wisdom I’ve acquired. It’s the greatest thing to see their eyes light up and them being so enthusiastic about even the simple things that we do together.”
Debra agrees that the deepening of years means we have more to offer our progeny. “My values and priorities are different now that I’ve become aware of what is really important and meaningful in life and what is not.”
Lisa adds: “Your grandchildren’s thoughts, ideas, and interests become yours, all while you teach them direction in life.”
With all of this heartfelt advice being proffered in response to my inquiry, anticipation for my grandchild’s birth continued to mount. April showers and May flowers turned into a June span of sunshine and sweltering heat in Nashville, where I (thankfully) live 30 minutes down the road from my daughter, Gianne, and son-in-law, Dominic, the parents-to-be.
Then one night towards the end of June, I dreamt of my grandson for the first time. He was a baby, but as is often the case with dreams, he was equally mature enough to walk, talk and suit up for a fun game in a youth football league. Bending forward with his tiny hand poised on the line of scrimmage, he could barely contain his excitement to get in the game. “Put me in, coach! Put me in!” he seemed to cheer to the sky above.
The very next evening, Gianne went into labor. Finally, I would get to meet my grandson, Nico Joseph.
Everything that my friends told me is true . . . and then some. I distinctly recall the feeling of falling in love with my daughter—and 18 months later, my son, Carlin—when they came into the world, and yet, meeting Nico was somehow as poignant in a different sort of way. What words can I put to it? I was mesmerized by this tiny being and mystified by the miracle of it all.
This child of my child . . . that priceless look of pure love and awe in the eyes of his new parents . . . my son becoming an uncle . . . being witness to it all while a part of it . . . sensing the great, glorious expanse of the future before us and our family. The circle of our lives instantly felt all the more complete, with our infinite capacity to love only beginning to reveal itself.
As this next phase of life’s journey begins, I am bearing in mind one other piece of sage advice that I happened upon in a random online meme: “Grandparents eventually grow old, but their love never does.” That’s my new end game, from now through the rest of my years. Give the love that only a grandparent can. Like every other stage of life, I’ll figure it out as I go along, but I have a feeling this will be the most natural thing I’ve ever done.
Gina Mazza is the managing editor of Pittsburgh Senior News. She can be reached at ginamazza@me.com To learn more, visit ginamazza.com.